Contextual Framing

CONTEXTUAL FRAMING

Definition: the circumstances that form the setting for an event, statement, or idea, and in terms of which it can be fully understood.

One could say, the more space you have to think in, the bigger the idea or the greater the understanding.

One of the factors of the HPT-Transformation training is the directness.

The confrontational manner in which the training is presented shocks some people at the very start. After a while they take the loud, direct, powerful and confrontational manner of the training to be the norm.  They don't get 'used' to it...they simply accept it as 'that's how it is'. 

I have always believed that the training has to be that way.  It has always had that element of confrontation, wherever and to whoever I have presented it. A Seminar room with paying attendees or within a maximum security prison, the format is ALWAYS the same, because it works.

It is a wake up call and there must be a shock to the system to jolt the recipient of the training into change, reaction, self questioning and accountability.  The context of the training program, indeed the context of the training environment we create (in essence, the space for HPT to be completely effective) is a strict regime.

This in itself is unusual as it puts a group of people into an environment where the contextual frame and content is far removed from what they are used to on a quotidian basis.

One of the things that struck me very early on in the formation of the Transformation Program was the contextual frame from which the training took place in comparison to the contextual frame the attendees were used to.  It became apparent to me and my team that context is a major factor in growth, experience and usuality.

Most people work from within a contextual framework. Unfortunately, this frame is too limiting for them on a long term basis.  Like a comfort zone, unless it is stretched and widened, no growth can take place or be achieved.

Life begins where your comfort zone ends!

When some people see an accident on the motorway where people die horribly and one can see the blood and mangled car and, in some cases the people, some of the people looking at that scenario will faint. Unfortunately, human nature means that people in other cars will slow down to have a look at the accident because they don't want to miss any experience.  In truth, they are just nosey.  They feel entitled to see.  The excitement takes over but then another feeling kicks in for many of them, they feel faint, nauseous and they pass out.

Anyone watching surgery for the first time will likely as not faint.  Anyone watching any medical procedure, from an autopsy to a minor operation, will feel, or may indeed, faint.

The reason is because the scene they are witnessing sits outside of the contextual framework they live in.

A surgeon, a traffic cop, a paramedic...they see this every single day, so it is WITHIN their quotidian Contextual Framework.

The HPT Training is not unusual to us because it sits within our contextual frame, but to the attendees...wow!  Some of the questions, presentations, directness, and even the training process itself is so far outside the context of the people taking the training it allows us to cut through the barriers, obstructions and masks that people wear on a daily basis.

We speak to the real person.  Not who they are at the time, or who they think they are.  We talk to who they REALLY are, behind all the masks and stuff that hides that.

Our authenticity is our contextual framework.  We sit outside their context and then we enter their framework and THIS allows us to strip them Back to Nothing, speak to the real them, and help them Transform.

"This is all about becoming the person you were DESTINED to be!   You need to release the REAL you!  That's right! The REAL you, the one that you were, the one that all this useless 'stuff' is hiding.......We need to strip you back. Back to NOTHING...so that the person you were meant to be recognizes the person you really are, and takes you into a future of endless possibility!" ~ Dave Moore

IDEA!

IT IS NOW 1984!

"Psssssttt!  Keep your voice down...someone may overhear us....listen.....

 I have a great idea I want to share with you.  Listen carefully.  Tell no one about this as I want YOU to be part of this.  I have a plan…

I have designed something so GREAT that I reckon it will sell millions.  This is it.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. 
Well?  Great idea huh?
These turtles are big, human size.
They carry backpacks instead of shells and they keep all manner of stuff in them.
They are named after Italian Renaissance painters.
They wear blindfolds so nobody recognises them (!).
Their boss is a RAT!
They live in the sewers.
They ONLY eat Pizza.
They do Kung Fu.
They fight crime.
All I need is $20,000…are you IN???"

I have a pretty good idea what most people would say.  ‘What? Are you nuts? $20K??’

Do you know who said ‘NO’ to that idea?  Every major toy manufacturer including Hasbro; the largest toy manufacturer at the time.  (They later changed their mind when they had become successful and they took over the merchandising.)

That stupid idea was seen as a great idea by a small visionary toy manufacturer called Playmates Toys and marketed.  The rest is history, to the tune of all manner of merchandise, TV series, movies, records and millions of dollars.

Napoleon Hill wrote, "You will never have a definite purpose in life; you will never have self confidence; you will never have initiative and leadership unless you first create these qualities in your imagination and see yourself in possession of them." He went on to say, "... imagination is the most marvellous, miraculous, inconceivably powerful force the world has ever known."

SOMETIMES we read or see something that resonates more than anything else before.

A lot of the time people walk around on autopilot, with nothing going on upstairs.  They travel to work by car, bus or train and when they get there they have no recollection of the journey as they have been in an altered state. 

"If everyone said exactly what was on their mind right now,

most people would be speechless!"

An image in your mind is the first stage of the creative process in life. From your imagination your visions and plans arise.

There is a concept called "Fantasy - Theory - Fact." The premise underlying this concept is that everything has its origination in the form of Fantasy, which some adventurous souls dare turn into a theory and then boldly turn into fact. Give this serious thought for a moment.

The idea of moon landings, communicating by email, traveling on jets, cellular phones or wearing synthetic garments was a very short time ago, sheer fantasy. Today, they are considered commonplace. The individuals who were responsible for the conception and creation of the email, cell phones and any of the thousands of modern conveniences we enjoy today had a highly developed imagination.

As Leaders, we realise that there is infinite possibility in our imagination.  No idea too big.  No idea too outrageous. Leaders have Vision. 

Some people have an ability that others don’t.  They have the ability to see opportunity and possibility in the most outrageous ideas.  A Leader needs a mindset of Can-Do, Anything is possible, opportunity is all around…

There is no such thing as a bad idea…only an idea that isn’t investigated and acted upon correctly.  If you, as a leader, are presented with, or have your own, wild idea you have to be able to see the big picture and realise that by rationalising and expanding a great idea or a stupid idea you could have a lifechanging success. 

If you don’t believe that then think of these two words…Spongebob Squarepants!  Would you have given me $20,000 for THAT one?

BITE!

I really wish that a company would take a bite out of Apple because I have never known a company that could not care less about its customers!

I am certain that many people reading this will disagree and hail Apple as the all seeing all knowing life enhancing company that it probably is on many counts but as far as a cell phone service provider they are seriously lacking in customer service and customer care.

The iStore is totally inaccessible in the UK via your iPhone.  Only by looking online will you find that out.  One person has posted at the Apple Forum saying that they went into an Apple store and found that they had no way of connecting either.  So if Apple can't connect to themselves, how are they going to fix it?

A call made to the help desk found them to be completely UNAWARE that there was a problem. They then put people on hold for ages while finding a reason, which in the end turned out to be 'We are looking into it'.

In other words, while they 'look into it' we, the consumer, can only 'look at it' as most of the apps that now say they need updating won't update nor work correctly.

Some users, unaware that Apple was down, even restored their phones to Factory Settings.  Surely a text message to all phones could have been sent, in this day and age, considering you claim so often to know where every iPhone is located: you must know who your customers are?

Here's one message online...
"Just spoken to Apple customer services UK and the agent was unaware of the issue until I told her to pick up her own phone and attempt to download an app. She said “Oh, yes I seem to be having the same error” and put me on hold. She then came back and said “We are aware of an outage but I don’t know how long it’s going to take, please try again in about an hour”…

Update 7:  We’re continuing to try to contact Apple but at this point we’ve received no reply to our emails and no one’s picking up the phone.

Update 8: Apple has updated its developer status page but iTunes isn’t on it. The support status page still shows iTunes working fine and dandy.

I called the helpdesk and the lady there also said she was unaware also that there was an issue with the iPhone and iTunes after the latest IOS update, so I asked her to test it with her own cell phone.  The response I got was 'Oh I haven't got an iPhone, I have a BlackBerry!!'

So have I Apple, so have I, and I am reaching for it now, or the Samsung, or the Nokia...

Oh and there's just one more thing...Dear Apple,
If you are going to compensate users for the loss of services on their iPhones can you please NOT insult us with a free U2 album. Bono is enough to tip us over the edge!

A Million Pound/Dollar/Euro Lesson

“Always carry a notebook”:

Aristotle Onassis.

Why? Simple. You try and remember everything you see and hear on a daily basis. There are so many ideas, bits of information, names, words, slogans, websites and people that pass through your mind that you will never remember them. If you see as many people as I do, and speak to as many people as I do, on a daily basis then you would realize that a Journal or notebook is invaluable.


I don't mean a computer or iPad either. I mean a Journal or Notebook that you write in by hand.

This is the single most valuable piece of advice I have ever had.

I carry a black moleskin notebook at all times and I always have a small black moleskin notebook in a jacket pocket. Sometimes it's an A4 size legal notebook with perforated pages that can be torn out and filed.  I always carry a pen but if you want to, go into any betting shop or catalogue showroom that has those little pens for customers use, grab a handful and put one in the pocket of every jacket you own.

I then read what I have written at the end of the day or week, or if I am taking a break or being driven somewhere in the car and all the stuff I think I need to keep I transfer into an A4 size Journal.

I have about 20 of those...full.

Not only did Onassis live by this belief but so too does Richard Branson. (Click his name to read his thoughts on notetaking!)  Everywhere he goes he carries a notebook.  It is IMPOSSIBLE to remember EVERYTHING you think and read and hear.

You can watch something, listen to something or experience something but if you WRITE IT DOWN it becomes hardwired into your brain. What's more...you start to understand it a lot better if you write it down.

I went and saw my friend Ross Jeffries one day in London when he was presenting a training program and he wanted to chat over Lunch. I had taken with me, in my bag, one of my journals from four years earlier when he had spoken to a group before and I had been there.

(I make a hell of a lot of notes)

During the afternoon session he started to tell the group of a poem he had written many years ago, a funny one about Speed Seduction and NLP techniques...but he couldn't remember it!

Out came the journal and he was amazed to see it written there from four years ago. Afterwards he told me 'Jeez, that journal is impressive'.

I was impressed he could read my handwriting!!!

The point is this. If you get an idea, write it down. If you hear a remark and think it's interesting, write it down.

Whenever you engage in any form of interaction, if you use persuasion, speed seduction, embedded commands, language patterns, sales pitches...write down everything.

What do I mean?

1. Where you were. If you went to a coffee shop write down 'went to coffee shop'!!!

2. Name of person you spoke to.

3. What you said.

4. responses.

5. Outcome.

Then...yes, you read it back and analyse it.

"When you meet someone, write down everything you know about them. That way you know how much time to give them next time."
- Aristotle Onassis
Write down everything. Phone numbers, web addresses, names, tips, ideas, plans, phrases….
I guarantee that if you don’t write it down you will try to remember it later and that’s all you will do, ‘try’.
Believe me, 'try' is a very bad word and you need to eliminate it from your vocabulary.

You won’t remember it if you haven't written it down. If, by some miracle you do manage to remember what you wanted to remember, I also guarantee that something else will drop out of your memory to make way for it.

Want to risk it? No, I didn't think you would!

One Direction

- Updated

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the cat.
“I don’t much care where…” said Alice.
“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the cat.
Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll

The cat was right.

If you don't know where you are going you may as well stay where you are.

Some people don't know where they ARE let alone where they want to go.

A compass has 360 degrees or points, and if you do not know where you are, you have 359 chances out of 360 to go where you didn't want to be in the first place.

So if you are at a point in your life that you can build upon that will impel you towards your goal or target then great. But what if you are not?

You need to focus on what you want. Your destination.

You need a road map!

Nobody says 'let's go on holiday' and then gets in the car drives off and waits to see where they end up.

If I asked you to meet me in London and you were in Manchester, there is a big chance that you might look at a map or turn on your Sat-Nav .

You must start with the destination in mind. You have to have a clear defined and resolute goal or target and then you must aim at it. If not, you are going to drift through life and end up as one of the masses. You will have wasted your life, wasted your potential, wasted your dreams and aspirations.

The UK at the moment is made up of some startling facts and figures...

• 100% of the population want to be successful
• 80% of families didn’t buy or read a book last year
• 75% of teenagers want to be famous but have no idea what for
• 70% of adults haven’t been to a bookshop in 5 years
• 60% of all paperbacks sold are romance
• 58% of graduates never read another book after graduating
• 50% of hardback books bought are never read past page 22
• 48% of all hardbacks sold are romance
• 40% of all men don’t read anything except at work
• 32% of men read nothing but newspaper sports pages

Out of 100 people who started work at the age of 18, by the age of 65....

• 1 is a millionaire
• 3 are still working
• 4 have adequate capital to retire
• 29 are dead
• 63 are dependent on social security, friends, relatives or charity

Only 5% of the adult population can comfortably retire at 65.

The other 95% are dead, broke, or dead broke!

But...when you consider the resources around us right now...

IN A WORLD WHERE ONE THIRD OF THE POPULATION IS STILL A TWO-DAY WALK FROM A TELEPHONE...YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE FOR NOT BEING SUCCESSFUL!

Remember that compass I mentioned? ...

Those 360 points on the compass? ...

What's YOUR point?

All aboard the Leader-Ship!

Leader- Ship!

* Do you have a crew?
* Who is in your Crew?
* Do you know who
your passengers are?
* Where do you get your passengers from?
* Are you the Captain of your Leader Ship?

WHO IS ON BOARD YOUR LEADER-SHIP?

Have you ever been on board a ship? It really doesn’t matter whether it’s a large cruise liner or a cross channel ferry. The principle is always the same.

The Captain.The captain or master is the ship's highest responsible officer, acting on behalf of the ship's owner. The captain is legally responsible for the day to day affairs of the ship as he is in command. It is his responsibility to ensure that all the departments under him perform legally to the requirements of the ships owner. The Captain represents the owner, or could also BE the owner.

The Chief Officer. He is the head of the deck and second-in-command after the ship's Captain. The chief Officers primary responsibilities are the vessel's cargo operations, its stability, and supervising the deck crew. The Chief Officer is responsible for the safety and security of the ship, as well as the welfare of the crew on board. The chief Officer typically stands the navigation watch with an eye on the horizon. Additional duties include maintenance of the ship. The Chief Officer also trains the crew on various aspects like safety, firefighting, search and rescue, and various other contingencies. The chief officer assumes command of the whole ship in the absence of the Captain.

The Second Officer. The second officer is usually in charge of navigation and is the next licensed position above third officer and below chief officer as third-in-command. The second officer is typically the navigation officer aboard a ship.

Third Officer.The third officer is primarily charged the safety of the ship and crew. The third officer is the next license position on board the Ship, being fourth-in-command after the captain, first officer, and second officer.

Now let’s look at this in a different way.

Let’s imagine we are not talking about a Ship.Let’s talk about a company.Your Company.

You have a Ship/Company that you want to sail.You launch it and its full steam ahead.Your passengers are your Customers.If they enjoy the trip, and the customer service is excellent then they will book again.

The Captain is YOU! 
You are the Leader, the CEO. You are the one in overall command of the Ship/Company. You are the one that decides direction and destination.Your Crew/Team will come to you with ideas to make the cruise more enjoyable for the passengers/customers, and will run ideas past you as to new and exciting destinations for you to steer towards. You need a great crew/team and your ability to recruit, mentor, promote and empower your people is the reason your ship/company will be successful.They are the driving force, the lifeblood of your business.

The Chief Officer is your Director.
They have the day to day running of the company in mind.The navigation, the speed, the training of your staff, the planning…yes, you are the overall person in charge but you have mentored and coached this person in such a way that when you ‘go ashore’ you are confident that what you would have done if you had been on board is being done while you are not on board.

The Second Officer is your Manager.
They maintain and steer your company on the course set by you and your Director.They ensure that you arrive at the relevant port on schedule (your company hits target) and that the seas are navigated in a safe way (your customers have a smooth ride) while keeping an eye out for icebergs (challenges, roadblocks and complaints).They report back regularly and advise you and your Director of the potential difficulties (competition activities, current trends, feedback from customers).They also manage your team directly and monitor their performance.They have targets to reach, staff levels to maintain and results to achieve.

The Third Officer is your HR or Compliance Officer.
They are in charge of the safety and compliance with the law of your company and its entire staff.They ensure that the documentation, contracts, employment law and entitlements of all of your staff, and you, are adhered to in a manner that is conducive to all.

The Crew is your team.
All of them from the engine room to client facing are signed up and ready to provide the experience that your passengers have not only paid for, but expect.  This can only come from you and your officers by example.When your crew feel safe, feel they can approach you, listen to you, admire you, know that you are decisive and that you are willing to listen to them AND include them because you consider their opinions and ideas relevant, you can sail any sea.

A Captain is usually someone who has started out as a sailor and worked their way up through the ranks to Captain.In doing so, they have a great understanding of how each section, from the Bridge to the Engine Room, works and they could, at any time, step in if disaster happens in ANY of those areas.

A great leader is also someone who can step in at any level because, not only do they have a deep understanding of what the business is and how it runs but they spend time walking around, talking, getting involved and relating to people at all of those levels.

If your Ship is called ‘Leader’ then the only way to ensure your ‘Leader-Ship’ is sailing on calm waters, fully crewed with full capacity of passengers at all times is to not only have a crew that you trust, but to have a crew that trusts you! You are confident that when you 'step ashore' the ship is running EXACTLY as it would if you were on the bridge.

Your Passengers are your customers and clients.
They will book a voyage on your Leader Ship in full knowledge that they have peace of mind.  Whatever happens, however rough the seas, when the storms hit, you and your officers and crew will navigate them through to calmer seas.

Bon Voyage!

Don't Quote Me On That, But...

Sometimes I get a Bright Idea!

"It is just as if I plug myself into myself and I light up!" was how someone described this process once....

When working on a presentation I have been known to say things that are a complete surprise to me, not just because it's the first time I have heard them too, they sometimes come up to the surface of my memory, but because I think 'Hmm. that's a keeper' and they go in the file of 'To be used again at the relevant moment!'

Lately, during a seminar, some tweetchats (#HPTTransformation and #PeopleSkills) and a couple of HOA's things came up and it happened again....

Bad leadership is self-serving - Great leadership is serving others.

I don't say this to impress you, I say this to impress upon you that.......you can do this too

Don't sell the means; people buy the end!!!

This may be the crack in the wall through which you will see the world.

If you are going to go fishing, bait your hook with something the fish likes and not YOUR favourite food.

Don't 'assume' your client is as clued up as you...think about it...it's your job to know what it does, it's their job to use it.

When people believe they can do something, or if they believe they can't, they are right on both occasions.

I don't need to be your friend for you to trust what I say will work.

You don't need to be my friend for me to make you more successful.

You don't need to be my friend for me to change your life for the better.

People don't get stuck in what happened to them, they get stuck in the significance of that event.

There are certain things you can only know by creating them yourself.

We are in a society where we are looking around for leaders, When in fact we should be looking for the leaders within ourselves.

Irrespective of conditions or outside influence, transformation can happen at any time. People have the ability to Transform.

It’s not what you think that changes your life; it is the space in which that thinking takes place.

Common Sense isn't all that common.

You have to live your life in a ‘you AND me’ world and not a ‘you OR me’ world.

The majority of people are motivated by the avoidance of what they don’t want rather than the attainment of what they do want.

If you create a context of well being in your life, the circumstances in your life will reflect that.

You are living in the past at today’s prices.

The trouble with talking too fast or talking a lot is you may say something you haven’t thought of yet!  If that's the case, write it down!

This is why I keep hammering home the point about always keeping a notebook! ;-)
The NOTEBOOK post

(Thanks to +Angela Goodeve for the artwork in this image)

Don't Try This At Home, I Am A Professional

I have just 'repaired' the printer in my office by using the 'Gucci Shoe method'.

The Possessed Printer

Its very technical and not something I would recommend you attempt. You need to call in a professional like me

Basically, you open various sections of the printer and peer inside looking for evidence of a problem. Then you take the toner cartridge out, shake it, and put it back in. Then you take the cartridge out again, shake it harder (like that will make a difference) and then ram it back in so it makes a loud crashing sound in the hope that the force and noise of this will make the printer wake up.

You then close all of the various panels and flaps that you opened. You switch the power off and on and then stare at it.

Finally you take your shoe off and whack it a few times until you beat it into submission. Works every time....

...It also amazes me how some people keep pressing print when nothing comes out and then complain that the printer is broke only to find no paper in it. Then when they put the paper in 45 copies of what they wanted comes out and they moan about that!!

That's when you take your shoe off and whack THEM over the head.

I have also found that a laser printer can be bought for less than the cost of a laser toner cartridge.

I bought a laser printer and it came with a toner in it AND a spare toner.

The printer was £80 including 2 toner cartridges.
The toner cartridges are £90 if bought on their own!!!!

I now have two laser printers gathering dust in the stock cupboard as its more cost effective, when the toner runs out, to buy a new printer.

THE WORLD HAS GONE MAD!!!!

The Code

In Life you should have a code of conduct that you live by just as you have in business.

You should have a 'mission statement' for yourself so that everyone who knows you understands who you are and what you expect.  It's the very essence of your being.  It's how you walk through the world.  So...

If you feel happy, smile.

If you feel daring, act.

If you receive good service, compliment.

If you feel energetic, do something positive.

If you know a good joke, tell it.

If you feel generous, give.

If you are interested in getting wealthy, save and invest.

If someone needs help, lend them your strong hands or soft voice.

If you give your word, keep it.

If you can say something nice, say it.

If you can stand up for the weak, do it.


But, also consider this.....


If someone says something you don’t agree with, tell them.

If you see behaviour you don’t like, stop it.

If someone is rude to you or someone else, call them on their bullshit.

If someone is bad towards you, show them.

If someone lies to you, tell them you know.

The Power of Passion, Energy and Ownership

Words. Affirmations.

How many times do we use words and affirmations when we 'reach for the stars' only to find that we never even get off the ground?

When we use empowering words without any emotion it’s like a broken pencil: pointless. Just like the old saying of comparing a toothpick with a spear. Words with no emotion are toothpicks, but words with emotion behind them are like a spear.

Be positive sounds like a blood group but being positive isn't everything, as some people would have you believe. Being positive just isn't enough. We can all be positive about something if we choose to be. We can be as positive as we like. But is just 'being positive' enough on it's own?  From the research we have conducted over the years, just saying something, just using the word(s) is not enough.

Just being positive will not make something change, or happen, or become achievable. It is better than the alternative, negativity. Positivity is a great context to work out of, far better than a negative one, but just 'doing' positive stuff will not make it happen.

We can use affirmations all day, again and again if we choose. We need to realise that positivity and affirmations alone will change NOTHING. Take an empowering affirmation like ‘I am Powerful’ and repeat it 20 times, 30 times, or maybe just 10 times and you will notice how the word loses all meaning.

But when we say an empowering word, like ‘Powerful’ once and we stand shoulders back, head up and punch the air with as much ownership and passion as we can muster, as much energy as possible, we start to feel a change immediately. Now imagine the feeling of being powerful, embody it, and own it. Feel power coursing through your veins, feel it tingling on the surface of your body, feel it, see it and hear it in your mind, and own it. Now say the word ‘Powerful’ again and feel the difference.

Saying things once, or hundreds of times, without passion, energy or ownership is pointless. Engaging with it, owning it, feeling it and using the energy of it is the point.

Saying something again and again, louder and louder will not make it the truth.

Saying it from a context of truth just once will make it a reality to you.

The Kindest Cut

Talking of Language...as I was before I started writing this (it's ok, you weren't part of the
conversation), I wanted to share something with you all.

I have just had a meal with some friends who also work in the NLP and Persuasion field and we were discussing language and conversation.

It seems that some conversations, or lines of questioning, are acceptable in certain situations but not others. What appears quite incongrous and innocent can be intrusive and freakin' creepy in others

I told them that when I had my haircut the other day, the hairdressers I use offer you tea/coffee/water/glass of wine or beer while you are having your hair cut.  After your hair is washed they offer a complimentary neck and back massage.  It's a top notch joint.  Fact is, they cut your hair and concentrate on doing a great job. The girl that cut it was talking to me and asked me a few questions to pass the time of day while she sharpened my head.

It struck us that no other job could warrant the questioning.  You would not get away with it.

"Do you live nearby?"
"What do you do?"
"Are you married?"
"Is that your car outside?  Nice."
"Where are you going on holiday?"

I responded to her questions but then asked her...

"Have you worked here long?"
"Who does YOUR hair?"
"How long have you been doing this?"
"Wow, those are long hours,are you married?"
"How many of you work here?"

Can you imagine the trouble you would be in having that kind of conversation, the kind everyone has with a hairdresser, somewhere else.

There you are ladies, sitting at the bar having a quiet, chill out, drink after a long day and a guy walks in, you smile at each other and to break the silence he asks...
"Do you live nearby?"
"What do you do?"
"Are you married?"
"Is that your car outside? Nice."

You go to your doctor and after he has examined you and is writing out a prescription for something you ask...
"Do you live nearby?"
"What do you do?"
"Are you married?"
"Is that your car outside? Nice."

There you are at the gym.  Pumping iron or in the jacuzzi, whatever, and the person next to you says,
"Do you live nearby?"
"What do you do?"
"Who does YOUR hair?"
"How long have you been doing this?"
"Are you married?"

It seems to me that some conversations are specific to certain situations and are a no go in others.

Can you think of any situations where you have been talking to someone and asked questions like that because I can't. We can't.  In fact the feedback on this from readers is that they can't either!

It's true when they say your hairdresser knows more about you than your friends.

Kate Nasser - The People Skills Coach™

I thought I would take some time to make a recommendation to you...

Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

Stop what you are doing and get along to www.katenasser.com and have a good look around for yourselves.  If you are in the market for Customer Service training or for solid gold info about what you need to do to keep customers, or maybe just some common sense techniques and training that works then you would be foolish to ignore this nudge to her site.

There are lots of video clips and there are also lots of interesting comments and information from a very clever, intelligent and knowledgeable Leader/ Teacher/ Trainer who really walks the walk as well as talk the talk.

One of the business models The Moore Consortium runs is a Sales Training program that shows you how to GET customers... but Kate Nasser shows you how to KEEP them with her cutting edge ideas.

Kate's techniques are embedded in a very funny and conversational style of presentation, which appeals to me as thats how I work.  It's a great way of pouring your message into the heads of the audience without them resorting to note taking.  If you have a team of people who need to step up to the next level, or if you need a reboot yourself, or if you just want to enhance your lifeskills, Kate is the person for you!

Kate also has a Google+ community called PeopleSkills.
I am honored to be one of the moderators on there as well as @TomJ_Rhodes @tshroyer2 @jandis_price @MaaHoda @CBechervaise  who are all worth following as they each have a unique style and ground breaking information they are willing to share on Social Media.

Tweetchats take place on Sundays at 10amEST and cover a different subject every week with an emphasis on the skill sets people need in life and business today.  Each Tweetchat is moderated and the main rule is: Respect for each other even when we disagree

There is a Facebook Group called People Skills That Really Matter which you will find HERE and that is monitored by +Hoda Maalouf It is well worth joining that group for some terrific interaction with other like minded people.

I also recommend that you check out the Google+ community PeopleSkills  HERE and join it today!!

It is not often that you find gold like this...but it is here...on her website www.katenasser.com
Contact on Twitter @katenasser

Reality or Construct? You Decide.

WHAT REALM DO YOU WORK OUT OF?

When something totally unexpected happens in our life, one normally wonders or asks: "how do I deal with it?"

A better question would be, "When I deal with situations like that, what Realm do I work out of?"

Consider: There are two different realms that human beings work from inside of.
A 'Reality' realm called 'What happened' and an imaginary realm called 'Story/Interpretation'.

The 'What happened' realm is Reality.  The facts. If you were a fly on the wall you would be able to see exactly what happened.  You would see the facts, you would know exactly what caused something, the content of conversations, the incidents...everything.

Then there is another realm totally unique to human beings because of language and imagination.  It is the interpretation of what may have happened.  A construction by our imagination that builds something totally incorrect.  A story we make up.

All of the interpretation or story you make up is is extremely powerful, and can even be useful as a tool for improving and expanding your mind through creativity as long as you remember that the story you make up, or your interpretation, is not the truth.

Ongoing, we link what happened to the story we create about what happened and we make them one and the same.

The only thing that really happens is the fact.  Let's look at a situation involving you.

Situation: He/ She didn't call me. Could be a client, could be a potential customer, could be someone you met and gave your phone number to...
Story: He/ She didn't like me, they were messing me about, I am not good enough for them, they lied to me, they found a better deal somewhere else, they have been injured and can't get to a phone...

The only thing that really happened was the...
Fact: They lost your number or are just busy and will call you soon, but there really is NO Problem.

Everything other than the fact is a story not based on anything real.
But, who created the story?  You did.

If you believe the story rather than what Really Happened then you will reinforce the fact with the story and you are locked in a vicious circle, over and over again.

If you can recognize that what you are concentrating on is a story you created and not the reality, what could you live like?  What could be possible for you?

The Transformation

"This is all about becoming the person you were DESTINED to be! You need to release the REAL you! That's right! The REAL you, the one that you were, the one that all this useless 'stuff' is hiding.......We need to strip you back. Back to NOTHING...so that the person you were meant to be recognizes the person you really are, and takes you into a future of endless possibility!"

~ Dave Moore

My Transformation experience is no different from any of the transformation experiences the delegates at the HPT-Transformation seminars experience.  It happens in an instant.

All my life I had been searching for an answer to whatever was in my mind at the time.

Every thought or idea needs an answer, or so I thought.  I had no idea at that point in my life, at that stage of my learning, that answers would come without being searched for.

Answers, be they small or huge, are all around us and we fail to see them sometimes because they are so obvious or, on many occasions, we just have to understand that what we want sometimes comes dressed as something else and we need to unwrap it

I had been adding information to my 'store of information' throughout my life.  Experience built on experience.  In truth, these experiences, learnings, teachings, ideas had all been added in the hope that something magical or unknown would happen allowing me to get to a critical mass and there would be an explosion...or I would find the real secret.

Rain.

Rain on my face.

Even now, when most people run for cover when rain falls, I turn my face to the sky and let it hit my face.  I know what it means...it means I am alive.

Many people know of the slight accident a few weeks ago when I ended up upside down in the back of a taxi that was in a head on collision in central London.

After 36 hours of tests in a London hospital I was discharged.
Was I concerned? No.
Did I fear for my life? No.
It was just another adventure...

What do I mean by that?  I see everything as an adventure, something to experience, another incident that I can look back on, something I can draw strength from, something that I can grow from.

Where did THAT mindset come from?

In 2009 I was driving from Lyon to Paris in France.  I had been staying with friends and was on my way to visit some more in Paris before I boarded the Eurostar back to England a few days later.  It was late in the evening and raining quite heavily.  I had been asked to pick up a large strawberry gateaux from a patisserie in Lyon and it was sitting on the passenger seat of the hire car.  A leisurely drive to Paris was almost complete as the rain started to ease off on the country road.  The car headlights lit a sign telling me that there were only 35km left on my journey before I reached the Peripherique, the ring road around Paris.  I drove around the sharp right bend in the road when suddenly I was blinded by the headlights of a car directly in front of me on my side of the road.

I swerved to my left but the other car caught the rear wing of my car with a deafening crash and I was airborne over the steep bank that fell sharply from the left side of the road.

No sooner had my car hit the slope of the bank it started to roll down it.  It seemed endless.  It seemed in slow motion.  Memories were stored.  I remember as the car turned over and over the Gateaux hitting me and the windscreen.  I remember after turning over three times thinking to myself 'This is a bit excessive!'  I remember hitting my head on the steering wheel.  I remember the roof of the car compressing down onto me, the windows shattering.  I remember the roar of the engine, and the deafening, constant, sound of the horn.
Finally the car righted itself at the bottom of a 60ft bank...and silence.

I am told that it was twenty minutes before the emergency services arrived.  A crash team, fire service and paramedic team all descended on me as the car sat where it had finally come to rest, on a dirt road leading from who knows where, to a large house about 50ft away.

A very shocked looking man in a police uniform put his hand over his mouth as he looked into the car at me. "Le gars est mort, le cerveau et le sang partout!" he shouted.  Even my basic French told me he had shouted that I was dead and there was blood and brains everywhere...

"I'm not dead!" I shouted, "That's a strawberry gateaux"

I thought the car had caught fire or even worse, they were letting fireworks off (Thanks, how kind!), but it was an angle grinder that was cutting through the car to get me out.

Eventually I was out of the car and strapped to a stretcher on wheels.  I was given a neck brace that covered all of my head apart from my face.  I lay there, thankful that I was alive.

In what seemed like minutes but were more likely as not seconds, I changed.  I altered completely.

I can pinpoint that change to that very moment without any hesitation or uncertainty.  At that moment, lying on that stretcher, next to a dirt road near Paris, I had a realisation.

I had almost died but I no longer feared death, because I had stared it in the face and it had turned away.  I no longer fear death and never will.
I realised I still had so much to do in my life.  People to meet, places to go.  I resolved not to stop until all of my goals and dreams were realised and I knew that would be never, as new ones appear all the time.
I realised that time was precious and life was precious too.  Lives can change in a moment.  Every second of every day was meant to be enjoyed, explored and appreciated.
I realised I had wasted so much time in my life.  I hadn't done what I wanted or should have done on occasion.  I hadn't said what I wanted or should have said on occasion.
I realised that I would say and do exactly what I felt I needed to from now on.
If I liked someone I would tell them immediately.  If I wanted to do something I would do it.  If I delayed it, I may never get another chance.

I had become something other.  Something else from the person I had been until that moment.  I had a greater understanding and appreciation.  I had a far more powerful understanding of myself, and my capability.

As the rain hit my face I understood that it was great to be alive.  It was as if I was a different person from the old me, I was now the New Me!

I lay on that stretcher and realised that, as I felt the rain on my face, I was transformed.

After a month in hospital I was transferred to England and eventually, after a few weeks, went home.

I could philosophize about the accident.  Why it happened.  The reasons, the timing, the significance etc etc. Saying 'Why me?' was for other people to say.  The truth was that accident was one of the greatest events of my life.  It made me realise so much about myself.  It made me become the person I was meant to be.

I have a very small chipped piece of bone at the base of my spine that causes me pain now and then.  I can live with that.

When it rains I turn my face to the sky for a while to feel the raindrops on my face, and I relive that moment when I became the new me...
It was Transformational.

What happened on the day of my Transformation, after I had crashed my car and was lying on a stretcher in a French field with the rain landing on my face was like nothing else that had happened in my life.

It wasn't anything like 'new' information being given to me.  It wasn't that I had suddenly realised things.  

It was that the system in which my information was contained was touched, so I suddenly went from knowing these five billion things to knowing a totally different five billion things.

In other words, in one moment I knew nothing and came to know everything.  I am not being unhumble in this so take this in the spirit it is meant.  I REALLY knew what I already knew, I understood it, and I experienced it.  Experiencing is the key, it's the reality.

I went through this period where I absolutely didn't know anything, because I could see that every piece of information which I contained, even the information contained in my brain about how to function, were contained within a system or context that precluded aliveness.

My entire system of knowing - not what I knew, but the system or context in which I knew - fell away and I came out the other side and found everything in an instant.

I am so excited when the trainees at the seminars get the Transformation.  They all break free from their identification with their minds and bodies and glimpse who they REALLY are, which is actually who they have been all along.  They de-identify with their mind, they de-identify with their body, they de-identify with their emotions, they de-identify with their problems, they de-identify with their 'Maya', and they begin to see they are not this play, this performance, this fiction.  With this de-identification they relinquish this drama of their lives and see the person they were always destined to be.

Self is all there is, that's it.  We provide the crack in the wall through which the trainees see themselves and the world.  Sometimes, just a few bricks are all that's needed to be demolished, sometimes the whole wall. It is true enlightenment.  

This is the fundamental change that takes place in the mind in an instant but takes four days of awareness training, harmonic development and experiential expansion techniques to achieve.  The trainees are turned around 180 degrees, from who they are...to who they were destined to be.  The Real person!

This enlightenment is internal and is therefore called 'In Lightenment' within the HPT lexicon.

As a Zen master once put it, after this process everything is exactly as it was before, except two feet off the ground.

Kate Nasser - Quick, Spot & Adapt (TM) Program

Have you ever felt like you were not really connecting with a co-worker, a team member, a member of your staff or even your Customer?  Have you had conversations with people where you feel like you are watching a foreign movie with the wrong subtitles?  Have you ever wished that you could determine just what would build a bond between you and another person so that you 'CONNECT'?
I highly recommend Kate Nasser, the #peopleskills coach, to be on your speed dial for cutting edge people skills training.  But here is the latest big news: Kate has launched a Workshop that puts you in control and firmly in the driving seat to make a positive change...Check out the information below and give her a call....
www.KateNasser.com
QUICK,SPOT & ADAPT
@KateNasser
#PeopleSkills

Now is the Time

What are you afraid of?

Why are you putting things off?

Why are you delaying decisions, delaying calls and delaying talking to that 'difficult' person?

The definition of a Procrastinator is; Someone who can't take NOW for an answer?

Are you one of those people who thinks "Why put off until tomorrow what you can put off until the day after?"

You're a Procrastinator!

Procrastination is a killer.  It can kill achievement, business, personal development, quality of life.  You name it!
Procrastination, or delaying your decision or action, can be the difference between success and failure.  No grey area.

This scenario is so common...

You get a parking ticket.  £60. Three weeks to pay.  You put it on a table in the hallway with the intention of paying it 'when I get around to it'!  

Three weeks later you remember the fine and realise that you have one day left to pay before it increases to £80.  You are busy next day, but not busy enough not to take time and pay the fine.  You decide that it is only another £20 so you will pay it 'when I get around to it'!.

The next thing you know you have a bill for £180 and a further £300 to get your car back from the carpound

What happened? What happened was that you were 'doing' procrastination.

You 'do' procrastination.  Just like you 'do' happy, sad, excited and confused.

Kick that procrastination into touch.

Why put off until tomorrow what you can do RIGHT NOW!

"The wealth you are seeking right now, the millions you are seeking, whatever wealth amount you are seeking: is inside the cave you fear to enter!" 

NO FEAR? KNOW FEAR!

Fear is very...Scary?
No.
Fear is very...Frightening?
No.
Actually,..

Fear is very Fashionable!

It is so fashionable to talk about fear in the negative.
So much so that everyone is telling us to face our fears.
I also hear that it is good to live with 'NO Fear'!
Thanks for that Einstein!!!  Imagine having absolutely no fear. I doubt you would live very long.

"Courage isn't the absence of fear; it's the ability to function in spite of fear."

Fear gets a bad press in my opinion.

Fear is an emotion, just like any other emotion that we create.  We can look at fear as a bad thing, or a good thing, to have.

Fear doesn't always stop us from doing something. It also makes us do something we want, must or need to, more often than we realise.

Fear isn't always a limiter, many times it is a liberator.

It is an emotion that sits within us waiting for us to use it.

I have heard the phrase "People are either running towards something, or running away from something".  It is true.  But running from the fear of NOT achieving is a very useful experience.  Wanting to grow, advance and become more is also a version of being afraid of remaining where we are, who we are, and what we are.  Fear can be a launchpad for Transformation because sometimes, we just HAVE to make a massive change.

Embrace your fear for what it really is.  See it for what it really is.  Understand it and you may see that it really isn't a fear after all, it's a sign.

Is being Awesome all there is?

So many people talk about being AWESOME.

"This is awesome, that is awesome, I am feeling awesome.

There is a clue to the power of Awesome if you break the word down into syllables...

It is all about inclusion and connection and once we gain a critical mass we have the power and awesomeness to Transform the world...

Quackers!

So...If it Quacks like a Duck and Looks like a Duck then it has to be a Duck, right?

Not from what I see, not every time anyway...

I run a lot of seminars. Law of Attraction, Persuasion, Sales Training, Inner Game, NLP, Motivation, State Management, Attitudinal Training, Firewalking, Glasswalking....It's a big list.

I have sat in on a lot of personal development seminars run by other 'trainers'in my time. I have even gone undercover at a few just to see what some people are actually saying and doing in front of groups of people, otherwise known as paying Clients/ Customers/ Delegates.

I have also kept a low profile at some Firewalking events up and down the country and I am amazed at what I hear sometimes.

Old, out of date, training exercises being rolled out again and again, either through inexperience, lack of training or just plain old lazyness. On occasion I have actually feared for the safety of the public on some of these events. I saw an Arrow Bend once which could have ended up on the SkyNews.

Some are re-hashing old out of date exercises, or its the new 'expert' that has either read a book or read someone elses notes or even just took a company over and decided they know what they are doing.

Some of the messages conveyed to the audiences leave a lot to be desired.

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. That's for sure.

The challenge you have is 'how do you know the person you are listening to, or the person training you, is the right one to follow.

I have to refer you back to a previous blog post with a story that hammers home the point:

It’s a story about a man that would walk down past the jewelry store every morning and he would take out his gold watch and he would look in the window and he would set his watch by the big clock in the window. And then he‘d be on his way. This went on day after day, week after week, month after month. Every morning for a few years the jeweler saw this man doing this.

Well, one day the jeweler is out in front of the store and he is sweeping the sidewalk and the man stops, takes out his watch and sets it. And the jeweler said, “Pardon me, where do you work?” He said, “I work down at the big factory and it’s important that I have the watch set properly because I blow the whistle at noon telling everybody it’s time to go to lunch.”

The jeweler said, “Isn’t that funny? Because I have been setting that clock by that whistle every day at noon.”

The moral here is, are you following the right person? Do they know what they are talking about? Where do they get their information from? How old is it? Does it work?

When I was at college the craze was (and still is if you look at the dumbing down of examinations) to not buy new text books but to read the textbooks others had used and read the writing, the notes made in pen in the margins, and check out the underlined passages. I couldn't figure that one out. The person who had the book before you could have been a mad man!!!

There is a lot that is lost in translation. Things get diluted, distilled and the original message can be lost.

Always check to see what their history is, who they know, who they have worked with. Better still, find out who THEY are following!

You see, once you start questioning you realise that sometimes, if it Walks like a Duck, Quacks like a Duck and Looks like a Duck...it could be a cartoon duck and NOT the real thing!

There is a lot of rubbish on the web, lies, untruths, fabrications, written by people with nothing but time on their hands and a bad heart.  If you want to work with someone always ask them to provide a checkable history.  Anyone working with me gets one whether they want it or not.

One other thing. There is a Phobia that is very relevant in the Self Help or Personal Development arena. The Phobia is Anatidaephobia ...It is the Fear that somewhere in the world there is a Duck watching you.....There are a lot of ducks in this business. I know who they are and I know they are watching me....Once on a plane I saw this.... 

So as you can see, things are not all they are quacked up to be! ;-)

Real Estate In A Real State

It must be an English Countryside thing.  London? No.  New York? No.

ONLY in England's sleepy (read dozy) idyllic and picturesque green and pleasant land can salespeople, real estate salespeople in particular, get away with such under performance.

Not much business done here, I bet

I see lots of examples of stupidity....like signs like this on the right...>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


It isn't difficult to spot these things, they are everywhere...


Even people behaving in a way that makes you want to bang their head against the wall...

Does she think it's an exercise bike?

Like this woman on the left...
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
"You can't mend Stupid!"


I have to give a special mention to a few people who work in an industry that I have trained salespeople in....an industry that we all have a need for at some point.  Unfortunately, it isn't a great mention but then, it was never going to be, as I am basing my comments on the experiences I have had for the last 2 months in and around Tunbridge Wells in East Sussex, in England.

Estate Agents, Realtors, call them what you want...the ones here are terrible.  I don't know, I cannot tell, if their incompetency is natural, or they have been trained to be mediocre.  Either way, they would be dead in a minute in a busy professional agency in London, New York, Chicago, you name it...

I am in a very fortunate position of being able to buy a property for cash.  I don't say that to impress you, I say it to impress upon you that this is a very serious position for ANY Real Estate agent because I have worked my Ass off for many years to be in this position and I KNOW from my past history that I am the ideal buyer.

1. I don't need a mortgage
2. I can move very fast
3. I don't need to sell my current property to purchase another.
4. I am paying CASH.

All four of those statements should, SHOULD, translate immediately in the mind of the Salesperson as 'I am going to get paid VERY quickly!'
You see,  I sold a couple of rental properties I had owned over the years and I am looking at buying a fairly substantial property for CASH.  I am a real estate salespersons dream!

Now I know that all of you real, genuine, fully trained or naturally gifted salespeople reading this will think, 'Cash?  That is KING! Wow, I would jump over anything to get a piece of that action...'
Yep, so would I.
Do you know who isn't?
Yep, you are right.

The Real Estate agents in Sussex.  Sleepy towns, sleepy salespeople.

I saw a house for sale.  I got the details.  I turn up to view.  No estate agent.  No seller at home.  Eventually the estate agent turns up, but without the keys.  He believes they are under a flower pot on the driveway.  He calls the seller who tells him the keys are under a mat in the side entrance lobby.

Before we enter he says with a smile, 'One thing I need to tell you is that the seller isn't including the garage or the lower gardens.  They intend to keep those and apply for planning permission.'

'Are they nuts?' I ask.
'I understand what you mean' he replies.
'Anyone buying this property would naturally want all of it and not just part of it that has been carved out of the original boundaries.  They will not get planning permission because of the close proximity to Ashdown Forest which has a preservation order on it and even if they DID get to the first stage of permissions it would be opposed by everyone around here, not least the new owner of this property who would not want anything built on land at the bottom of their gardens.  Nor would they want a piece of land left to rot or slide into disrepair because the owners can't be bothered any more.  It's all or nothing.'
'I take your points on board' he replied.
'Why isn't that mentioned on the details?' I asked him.
'Why isn't what mentioned?' He asked me, amazed.
'What I just mentioned to YOU!'
'I don't know, I will look into it.'

He told me that he had called the sellers and left a message. a day went by and I called him, only to hear he had not heard back and was waiting.  Waiting?  Do these people WANT to sell?  'Do YOU want to sell this property?' I asked him, 'get on the phone and chase them and get some sort of answer please.'  I am still waiting after three days.

No preparation, no quality information.

These are the same agents who arranged a viewing at a farm last Saturday for me and when I got there I was met by a teenager who works at the weekends and had never been to the property before and knew nothing about it.  A frantic phone call to her office brought someone else who HAD knowledge of the place over in 15min.  Did I need to make that happen?  Was it MY responsibility, as the potential buyer, to make that happen?  NO!  But if I hadn't, it would not have happened.

I have seen an immaculate property with stables and a two floored building in the grounds which would make an ideal office and training centre.  To me the property is ideal.  I made an offer a little under the asking price because there is some work to be done inside the property and I value the place a little less than the asking price.

No one, I think, should EVER pay ticket price, always haggle.

I spent ages there, looking the place over and made an offer with the stipulations that it was a cash purchase, No chain, I don't need to sell, I want to complete quickly.

Next day I get a call from the agent telling me that another potential buyer has offered the same amount as me but it is dependent upon them securing a mortgage.  I asked why they were telling me because that is a dead offer compared to my cash one.  They then asked me to give them a letter from my bank to confirm I have the funds before they could present it to the seller.

I can't tell you the exact words I used in my reply for obvious reasons but I made it clear that on the many occasions I had bought a house in the past that relied on either mortgage or the sale of an existing property NOBODY asked me to prove I had a mortgage or a buyer.  Why do I need to prove I have the cash?

She couldn't answer that.


Agents in this part of England are so laid back they are horizontal!

They don't chase the seller, they don't call you to let you know what's going on, they give you details about properties but withhold facts that could make it a 'no thanks' before you have viewed.

They commit EVERY SINGLE sales crime there is to commit.  If I was in London, New York or any large city, I would have been dealt with and helped and would have been sitting in a new home by now, or near as damn it.

They have no drive, no nerve, no skills and above all, they give salespeople a bad name!