BT'ing BT

One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. And I am a sales trainer!!! What about the man or woman in the street with no experience of these...they must hate it even more! I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was from BT and it went something like this:
Me: Hello
BT: Hello, this is BT...
Me: Is this BT?
BT: Yes, this is BT...
Me: This is BT?
BT: Yes This is BT...
Me: Is this BT?
BT: YES! This is BT, may I speak to Mr. Moore please?
Me: May I ask who is calling?
BT: This is BT.
Me: OK, hold on.
At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.
Me: Hello?
BT: Is this Mr. Moore?
Me: May I ask who is calling please?
BT: Yes this is BT...
Me: Is this BT?
BT: Yes this is BT...
Me: This is BT?
BT: Yes, is this Mr. Moore?
Me: Yes, is this BT?
BT: Yes sir.
Me: The phone company?
BT: Yes sir.
Me: I thought you said this was BT.
BT: Yes sir, we are a phone company.
Me: I already have a phone.
BT: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Moore.
Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for calling.

When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested," but this lady was persistent.

BT: Mr. Moore, we would like to offer you 10 pence a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 pence a minute, but she at no time used the word "rate." I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the old calculator and do a little creative accounting.

Me: Now, that's 10 pence a minute 24 hours a day?
BT: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!
Me: 7 days a week?
BT: That's right.
Me: 365 days a year?
BT: Yes sir.
Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!
BT: We think so!
Me: That's quite a sum of money!
BT: Yes sir, it's amazing how it adds up.
Me: OK, so will you send me cheques weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full £52,560, and if you send an annual cheque, can I get a cash advance?
BT: Excuse me?
Me: You know, the 10 pence a minute.
BT: What are you talking about?
Me: You said you'd give me 10 pence a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to £144 per day, £1,008 per week and £52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.
BT: Oh no, sir, I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 pence a minute.
Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 pence a minute? Are you sure this is BT?
BT: Well, yes this is BT sir but......
Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 pence a minute that I'll give you 10 pence a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the papers. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.
BT: No sir, we are offering 10 pence a minute for.....
Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!
BT: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.
Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
BT: Yes Mr. Moore. Please hold.

So now BT has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food:

Supervisor: Mr. Moore?
Me: Yes?
Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 pence a minute program.
Me: Is this BT?
Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is.

I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to laugh out loud.

Me: No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan where you give me 10 pence a minute.
Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.
Me: Thank you.

I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.

BT: Hello Mr. Moore, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan?
Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother...
BT: (click)