Thursday, 30 September 2010

Thursday, 23 September 2010

What Is Wrong With This World?



There are three kinds of people in the world:


* Those who do what they're told without question,


* Those who control them, and-


* Those who refuse to play that game - ENVIED AND HATED BY THE OTHER TWO.


What is wrong with this world? Why all those civil wars, why all this chaos and disaster? Why can't people just live together in peace? When conflicts arise, why is it so hard for the United Nations and other parties to stop the killing, despite peace negotiators and ambassadors?


Is it that man is basically evil? Is it just human behavior? Lots of questions. When we look around, it may seem like man is basically evil, but that is not true. There is good and evil within us all; it needs to be there for our basic survival, and they are subjective terms in the sense that we can define good and evil in whatever way we want. What's good for one person, may be considered evil by another and vice versa. However, the society will eventually reflect the minds of their leaders, and if the leaders are implementing what the majority perceives as evil, the society will be evil as well, and people affected by a malevolent government will start acting like them. However, WE are the ones who appoint and accept our leaders, so ultimately the responsibility is yours and mine.

All this chaos, genocide, ethnic cleansing and the overall disasters have a genuine purpose. It is all very carefully planned by a few people, mostly men, behind the scenes, high up in the society, above any power structure that the ordinary citizen is aware of. It is a modern extension of an old theme to "take over the world". To those people, power, control and wealth is their true religion and they use any means they can to maintain their power and control, including murder and genocide.


These people on top, who basically are of Royal Bloodlines, are currently working on reducing the world population in order to easier maintain their control, and ultimately the strive towards a centralization of power, which will include the whole world.


This is a very old plan; something the same bloodlines have been working towards for millennia. However, now is the time when they have the means to accomplish their goal and fulfill the "Work of the Ages". They see us citizens as inferior and are dehumanizing us in their own minds to the extent that they don't care if we live or if we die. In a future Global Society, if they manage to accomplish this to its full extent, you and I will be no more than slaves, whom they can kill and treat as they want anytime they want.






Budget cuts force CERN to shut accelerators for year


Europe’s particle research center CERN unveiled budget cuts Friday that will force it to temporarily close its accelerators for a year in 2012, but said its flagship “Big Bang” machine will mainly be unaffected.

Announcing the trimmed-down budget, in which governments will provide 135 million Swiss francs ($133.4 million) less over a five-year period to 2015, CERN said its high-profile drive to study the origins of the cosmos would continue as planned.

It said it would delay upgrades to the Large Hadron Collider’s beam intensity by one year, achieving this in 2016 instead of 2015, meaning scientists will have to wait longer for experiments to gather data at a faster rate.

A particle accelerator is a machine that propels a beam of sub-atomic particles at high speed. Physicists use the machines to create high-energy collisions so they can study the properties of the fundamental building-blocks of matter.

CERN operates a network of accelerators, including the world’s biggest, the Large Hadron Collider (LHC), which opened two years ago to test predictions of high-energy physics.

CERN had previously announced that the LHC would not run in 2012 “for purely technical reasons.” It said it would now also shut down all of its other accelerators in 2012 as it focuses its resources on the most critical research.

“The whole CERN accelerator complex will now join the LHC in a year-long shutdown,” the institute said in a statement. “CERN management considers this a good result for the laboratory given the current financial environment.”

Scientists and technical staff staged a protest outside CERN’s main building on the French-Swiss border near Geneva last month over the possibility of budget cuts.”

Sunday, 19 September 2010

Another classic email exchange

From: Jeff Peters

Date: Wednesday 8 April 2009 10.22am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Membership Renewal

Dear David
This is a friendly reminder to let you know your gym membership expired last week. Your membership is important to us and we would like to take this opportunity to show our appreciation by offering you a 20% discount on your membership renewal. We look forward to seeing you again soon.

All the best, Jeff Peters

From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 April 2009 1.37pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Membership Renewal

Dear Jeff,

Thankyou for your friendly reminder and the kind offer to reduce my membership by twenty percent. I own a calculator but I could not work out how to do percentages on it so have estimated that I save around £372.10 off the normal price of £420.00 - Please confirm that this is correct and I will renew my membership immediately. Also, do I get a Fitness First sports bag with towel and drinking bottle included in the price? I own my own legwarmers and headband.

Regards, David.


From: Jeff Peters
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 10.01am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Hello David
How did you come to that amount? Our half year membership fees are actually £460 but with the 20% discount as an existing member your renewing membership fee would be only £368 for the six months saving you almost £100 off the normal price. We are not Fitness First so do not have those bags.
Cheers, Jeff


From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 10.18am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff,
Do I get free shipping with that?

Regards, David.


From: Jeff Peters
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 12.48pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Free shipping with what? The £368 covers your membership fees for six months.


From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 2.26pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff,
By the power of Greyskull that is a lot of money but I admit to being in desperate need of increasing my body strength. My pals ten year old child often turns the taps off in the bathroom very tightly and I have to go several days without washing. I feel bad constantly having to ask the lady from next door to come over and loosen them for me, what with her arthritis and limited wheelchair access to my apartment.
To be honest, I originally joined your gym with full intentions of attending every few days but after waiting in vain for someone to offer me steroids, I began to suspect this was not going to happen and the realisation that I may have to exercise instead was, quite frankly, horrifying. My aversion to work, along with the fact one of your employees, Justin, was rather rude, telling me to 'lift this', ''push that' dulled my initial enthusiasm of becoming muscular and I stopped attending.

Regards, David.


From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 9.17am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Hello David
Nobody here would offer you steroids, it is illegal and none of our staff would do this. Justin is one of our most experienced trainers and if you found him rude while he was trying to be helpful and just doing his job then there are plenty of other gyms you could look at joining instead.

Cheers, Jeff


From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 10.02am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff,
Yes, I have noticed that there are many gyms in my area. I assume the low qualification requirements of fitness trainers means that there is an over supply of these buffed but essentially otherwise purposeless professionals.
I knew a guy in high school who couldn't talk very well and collected sticks, he used to call the teacher 'mum' and during recess we would give him money to dance. Then sell him sticks to get our money back. He went on to become a fitness instructor so I view gyms as kind of like those factories that provide a community service by employing people with down syndrome to lick stamps and pack boxes. Except with more Spandex obviously.

Regards, David.


From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 10.32am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Go fuck yourself.


From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 11.38am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff,
I was, at first, quite surprised at your response; one minute you are inviting me to renew my membership and asking me for money, the next insulting me. After doing a little research however, I have learnt that mood swings are an expected side effect of steroid abuse. As another side effect is a reduction in the size of your penis, this gives you understandable cause to be an angry person. I have also learnt that Spandex contains carcinogenic properties so this does not bode well for yourself and your shiny friends. If I woke up one morning and my penis was a quarter of the size AND I had testicular cancer, I would probably take my anger out on those around me as well.
There are probably support groups or websites that could help you manage your problem more effectively and picture based books available on the subject. When I am angry I like to listen to music by Linkin Park. The added angst and desire to cut myself works similarly to the way firefighters fight forest fires by burning off sections, effectively canceling each other out and I find myself at peace. As you guys usually listen to Pet Shop Boys or Frankie Goes to Hollywood, this may be worth a try.

Regards, David.

From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.04pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

DO NOT EMAIL ME AGAIN

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.15pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Ok.


From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.25pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Is that you being a smartarse or agreeing not to email me again?


From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.32pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

The middle one.

Thursday, 16 September 2010

The Pope Doesn't Wear Prada!


So the Bob Hope doesn't wear Prada!!! They are handmade Adriano Stefanelli, Novara loafers...well, whaddya know? Very Godfather!!!

Wednesday, 15 September 2010

Warren Greshes

For some time now, and thinking about it I reckon it must be 15 years, I have been following the career of Warren Greshes.  I would recommend anyone who has an interest in sales to visit his website right now.  He is a class act!

http://www.greshes.com/

Tuesday, 14 September 2010

Blockbuster Video.....WOW!

From: David Thorne

Date: Sunday 8 November 2009 2.16pm
To: Megan Roberts
Subject: DVDs

Dear Megan,
Thank you for your letter regarding overdue fees. As all four movies were outstanding examples of modern cinematic masterpieces, your assumption that I would wish to retain them in my possession is understandable, but incorrect. Please check your records as these movies were returned, on time, over three weeks ago.
I remember specifically driving there and having someone run them in due to the fact that I was wearing shorts and did not want the girl behind the counter to see my white hairy legs.

Regards, David.

From: Megan Roberts
Date: Monday 9 November 2009 11.09am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: DVDs

Hi David

Our computer system indicates otherwise. Please recheck and get back to me.

Kind regards,

Megan

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 9 November 2009 11.36am
To: Megan Roberts
Subject: Re: Re: DVDs

Dear Megan,

Yes, they are definitely white and hairy. Viewed from the knees down, the similarity to two large albino caterpillars in parallel formation is frightening. People who knew what the word meant might describe them as 'piliferous', although there is something quite sexy about that word so perhaps they wouldn't.

Regards, David.

From: Megan Roberts
Date: Monday 9 November 2009 1.44pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: DVDs

Hi David

No I mean our records indicate that the DVDs have not been returned. Please check and return as soon as possible.

Kind regards,

Megan

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 9 November 2009 4.19pm
To: Megan Roberts
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs

Dear Megan,

With the possible exception of Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay, the movies were not worth watching let alone stealing. In Logan's Run, for example, the computer crashed at the end when presented with conflicting facts and blew up destroying the entire city. When my computer crashes I carry on a little bit and have a cigarette while it is rebooting. I don't have to search through rubble for my loved ones. The same programmers probably designed the Blockbuster 'returned or not' database.
Also, while one would assume the title Journey to the Centre of the Earth to be a metaphor, the movie was actually set in the centre of the earth which, being a solid core of iron with temperatures exceeding 4300˚ Celcius and pressures of 3900 tons per square centimetre, does not seem very likely.
Waterworld was actually pretty good though. My favourite bit was when they were on the water but the scene when Kevin Costner negotiated for peace, ending the war between fish and mankind moments before the whale army attacked was also very good.

Regards, David.

From: Megan Roberts
Date: Tuesday 10 November 2009 3.57pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs

David

The DVDs are listed as not returned. If you cant locate the DVDs, you will be charged for the replacement cost.

Megan

From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 10 November 2009 5.12pm
To: Megan Roberts
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs

Dear Megan,

I have checked pricing at the DVD Warehouse and the cost of replacing your lost movies with new ones is as follows:
Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay £7.95
Waterworld £4.95
Journey to the Centre of the Earth £9.95
Logan's Run £12.95
I have no idea why Logan's Run is the most expensive of the four movies as it was definitely the worst. Have you seen it? I wouldn't pay £12.95 for that. I would use the money to buy a good movie instead. Probably something with Steven Seagal in it. The entire premise comprised of living a utopian and carefree lifestyle with only three drawbacks - wearing seventies jumpsuits, living in what looks like a giant shopping centre and not being allowed to live past thirty. This would seem logical though as I would not want a bunch of old people hanging around complaining about their arthritis while I am trying to relax at the shopping centre in my jumpsuit trying not to think about the computer crashing.
I was recently forced to do volunteer work at an aged care hospital. Footage of these people during Tuesday night line dancing could be used as an advertisement for the Logan's Run solution. The only good aspect of working there was that I halved their medication, pocketing and selling the remainder, explaining the computer listed that as their dose and they were welcome to check knowing their abject fear of anything produced after the eighteenth century would prevent them from doing so.
I also swapped my Sanyo fourteen inch portable television for their Panasonic wide screen plasma while they were sleeping, explaining that it had always been that way and their senility was simply playing up due to the reduced dosage of drugs.

Regards, David.

From: Megan Roberts
Date: Wednesday 11 November 2009 1.21pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs

Hi David

I have not seen those movies so I dont know what you are talking about. I prefer romantic comedies. If you have the movies we can't rent them so we lose money and the fees are based on what we we would have made from renting them and we also have to purchase movies through our suppliers not from DVD Warehouse.

Megan

From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 11 November 2009 3.28pm
To: Megan Roberts
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs

Dear Megan,

I myself am also a huge fan of romantic comedies. Perhaps we could watch one together. I have a new Panasonic wide screen plasma. My favourite romantic comedy is Fatal Attraction although it did not contain enough robots or explosions in my opinion and I was therefore unable to truly identify with the main characters on a personal and emotional level.
Recently, I was tricked into watching The Notebook which was about geese. Lots of geese. It also had something to do with an old lady who conveniently lost her memory so she could not remember being a whore throughout the entire film. I don't recall a lot of it as I was too busy being cross about watching it. In a utopian future society she would have been hunted down and killed at thirty.
In regards to the late fees, I understand the amount is based on what you lose by not being able to rent the movies out. You probably had people lined up around the block waiting to rent Logan's Run. For eighty two dollars though, I could have purchased six copies of it from DVD Warehouse or, as I have heard he is a bit strapped for cash, had Kevin Costner visit my house in person and re-enact key scenes from Waterworld in my bathroom.

Regards, David.

From: Megan Roberts
Date: Thursday 12 November 2009 3.16pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs

Hi David.

Restocking fees are:
002190382 Journey to the Centre of the Earth £9.30
003103119 Logans Run £7.90
008629103 Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay £6.30
000721082 Waterworld £5.70
Total: £29.20 - I have deleted your late fees and noted on the computer that the amount owed is for the replacement movies not fees.

Kind regards,

Megan

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 12 November 2009 7.42pm
To: Megan Roberts
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs


Dear Megan,

Those prices seem reasonable. I do not want Logan's Run but will pick up the other three when I come in next.

Regards, David.

From: Megan Roberts
Date: Friday 13 November 2009 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs

What? The £29.20 is the cost of the replacement DVDs for the store.

Megan

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 13 November 2009 1.15pm
To: Megan Roberts
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs

Dear Megan,

That makes more sense, I was wondering what I was going to do with two copies of each movie.

Regards, David.

From: Megan Roberts
Date: Friday 13 November 2009 2.33pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs

What do you mean by two copies? Are you saying you found the four movies?
Megan

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 13 November 2009 2.57pm
To: Megan Roberts
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs

Dear Megan,

Yes, they were on top of my fridge the whole time. Unfortunately I have a blind spot that prevents me from seeing this area of the kitchen as it is also where I keep my pile of unpaid bills.
Last night I slept on the kitchen floor with the fridge door open due to my air conditioner being broken and the temperature outside exceeding that of the centre of the earth. As my fridge emits a high pitched 'beep' every thirty seconds when left open, the vibrations from this caused the DVDs to wriggle forward over the space of many hours before toppling from the edge and I awoke to find them beside me on the pillow. As you have already waived the late fees, I will drop them off tonight and we will call it even.

Regards, David.

From: Megan Roberts
Date: Friday 13 November 2009 3.43pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs


Ok.

Monday, 13 September 2010

A Fantastic Email Exchange

From: George Lewis

Date: Thursday 2 September 2010 6.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: No Subject


I have read your website and it is obviously that your a foggot.






From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 2 September 2010 8.07pm
To: George Lewis
Subject: Re: No Subject


Dear George,


Thank you for your email. While I have no idea what a foggot is, I will assume it is a term of endearment and appreciate you taking time out from calculating launch trajectories or removing temporal lobe tumors to contact me with such. I have attached a signed photo as per your request.


Regards, David.






From: George Lewis
Date: Thursday 2 September 2010 8.49pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: No Subject


I didnt ask for a photo fag. and I meant faggot you homo. im not a fan so you can shove your signed photo up your ass. You would probably enjoy that. LOL!!!! Go suck your boyfriends dick in a gay club.






From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 2 September 2010 9.17pm
To: George Lewis
Subject: Re: Re: Re: No Subject


Dear George,


While I do not have a boyfriend, I do have a friend who is homosexual and I once asked him "Do you ever think about having sex with me because you are gay?" to which he replied "Do you ever think about having sex with Rosie O'Donnell because you are straight? Same thing." If I was inclined to have a boyfriend, I would select one my height and weight to save having to readjust the driver's seat position. I am not interested in doubling my wardrobe as I wear the same outfit everyday to facilitate speedy identification should I ever be in a boating accident.
Although I have never been to a gay club as such, when I was about ten, a friend and I constructed a club house in my backyard using timber stolen from a building site down the street. Our club, which we named 'The Kiss Club' due to a certain band being popular at the time, employed an intensive entry exam in which the applicant had to know all the words to Love Gun and not be a girl. As we had no other friends and knew no girls apart from my sister, this made sense at the time. The next day after school, having managed to recruit several new members by promising laminated membership cards and changing the entry exam to 'knowing the names of the band members', we all rode to my place to partricipate in our first club meeting only to discover my sister, outraged by the 'no girls' rule and armed with four litres of paint left over from a recent bedroom redesign, had painted the clubhouse pink and added 'ing' to the end of the word 'Kiss'.


Also, despite your inference, I have managed, up to this point, to avoid putting most things in my bottom. Primarily due to the possibility that I might enjoy it, get carried away, and move on to watermelons or midsize family autos. When I was about eight, I drew a face on my hand and practiced kissing it, which I will admit is a little gay, and I have often thought there would be advantages to homosexuality such as Abercrombie & Fitch reward points, successful couch fabric selection capabilities and the gift of dance. With or without a top on. This would come in extremely useful if I needed five hundred dollars and saw a poster advertising a dance competition with a first prize of five hundred dollars.


Regards, David.






From: George Lewis
Date: Thursday 2 September 2010 9.33pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: No Subject


If you livd close by gaycunt I would be over your place with five friends tonight.






From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 2 September 2010 10.08pm
To: George Lewis
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: No Subject


Dear George,


I knew we would get along well. We have only known each other for one day and already you are organising a party. I am not sure where Gaycunt is but if I did "livd close by" to it, I would definitely be up for that.
We could all sit outside on banana lounges discussing the best way to rebuild a 4WD transmission and agree, through shared stories of conquests supporting our assertions, that there is no basis to the proposition that those least assured of their persuasions are the first to condemn others for theirs. Although the ideal would be for everyone to be capable of love without fear, restraint, or obligation, clearly this does not apply to homosexuals.
At no time during the night would you comment on how much you liked my Abercrombie & Fitch pants or ask "is that a Marcel Breuer couch? I love the fabric selection" and when we danced, we would all leave our tops on.


Regards, David.






From: George Lewis
Date: Friday 3 September 2010 1.18pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: No Subject


no fag I live in Charleston west virginia the best country in the world. I wasnt sying it would be a party. we would smash your fucking skull in and if you are calling me a fag you can get fucked becasue I have a girlfriend.






From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 3 September 2010 1.56pm
To: George Lewis
Subject: Yeehaw y'all


Dear George,


Is she also your sister? I checked out her photos on your Facebook page and while she is not exactly my type, I accept that other people have different preferences. Even when those preferences include facial tattoos and stretch pants constructed from sufficient material to shelter a small village. And their livestock. Some men enjoy dancing with other men without their tops on while others prefer the company of a woman two KFC family buckets away from upsetting the planet's rotational axis.
I read somewhere that Eskimos prefer women of girth as it provides warmth at night. I have seen the size of those igloos though and there is no way your girlfriend would make it through the opening. You could probably just construct one around her and despite the hassle of having to trudge out into the snow every day to catch and prepare the eighty seals required to maintain her mass, it would be like a kiln in there.
If I were an Eskimo, I would build my igloo next to a supermarket or on a tropical beach.


Regards, David.






From: George Lewis
Date: Friday 3 September 2010 2.01pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Yeehaw y'all


She isnt fat you fag. and that she got that tattoo is a teardrop becasue her family is dead.






From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 3 September 2010 2.06pm
To: George Lewis
Subject: Re: Re: Yeehaw y'all




Did she eat them?






From: George Lewis
Date: Friday 3 September 2010 2.32pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Yeehaw y'all


Get fucked fag her family they died in a traffic accident. have some respect. Go put some more gel in your hair and dye it balck like a emo skinny fag. And how can you see my facebook page pictures?






From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 3 September 2010 3.02pm
To: George Lewis
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Yeehaw y'all


Dear George,
Yes, I have heard those motorhomes can be a bitch to steer. Especially around tight corners during a police chase or moonshine run.
I will concede to fifty percent of your description of me as a "skinny fag" being correct. If our bodies are temples, mine would be a heavily shelled Iranian mosque express. To rectify this, I have instigated a fitness and weight training regime. Once a week I carry two heavy garbage bags out to the sidewalk and jog back. As this week was my first session and I did not want to over exert myself, I took the car. Obviously with a few breaks in between to re-hydrate and stretch.






Although hardly an emo, I understand their pain. If I looked in the mirror and saw an anorexic version of Pugsly Adams staring back at me I would probably start cutting myself as well. I will admit to having dyed my hair once though. The product, misrepresented as 'Natural Black' instead of 'Astro Boy black', turned my hair as dark as an adequate simile describing just how black it actually was and stained my forehead and ears purple. In an attempt to blend the colour, I rubbed the remainder of the mixture onto my face, figuring it might look like a tan. I spent the following two weeks telling people that I could not leave the house due to agoraphobia, an illness usually self-diagnosed by the unemployed as an excuse to stay home and masturbate or play Wii.
I have access to your Facebook page due to the friend request you accepted from the Oscar Wilde profile I constructed yesterday. I assumed the name would hold no relevance to you and, consistency being the last refuge of the unimaginative, I typed 'Redneck wearing baseball cap' into google images to locate a photo you would identify and feel comfortable with.


Regards, David.






From: George Lewis
Date: Friday 3 September 2010 4.48pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Yeehaw y'all


Thats fraud. I will report you to the police and to facebook fag. i would shoot you in the face with my .32 if you were here right now.






From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 3 September 2010 5.19pm
To: George Lewis
Subject: tarded






Dear George,


Yes, I'm fairly certain there is a worldwide criminal investigation network dedicated solely to bringing those who construct fake Facebook profiles to justice. I believe the punishment is tar and feathering in most parts of the world except West Virginia where you are stripped naked, oiled up and chased around a paddock while wearing a pig mask.
Apparently in West Virginia, this is also known as a 'date'. Variations include substituting the paddock with a motorhome or the person with an actual pig. Or in your case, both.
Also, as it is probably far more acceptable for men in West Virginia to hold guns than hands, I will assume the term 'shooting me in the face with your .32' is not a euphemism.


Regards, David.






From: George Lewis
Date: Friday 3 September 2010 7.04pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: tarded


Ive deleted you from my facebook and reported you. i hope you die of aids fag. Dont bothering emailing me again becasue I wont read it.






From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 3 September 2010 7.12pm
To: George Lewis
Subject: dneck


Yes you will.






From: George Lewis
Date: Friday 3 September 2010 7.16pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: dneck




No I fucking wont fag


Tuesday, 7 September 2010

BONDED BY BLOOD

I recommend that you take a trip along to the cinema and forgo the rubbish like Salt and whatever romcom lovey dovey jennifer anniston crap there is and see Bonded by Blood. Tamer Hassan, Terry Stone in the true story of the essex boys range rover burder from 1995. Based on the books by Bernard O'Mahoney.

You will not be disappointed. If you liked Essex Boys, or rise of the Footsoldier you will absolutely LOVE this!!!



YouTube - BONDED BY BLOOD (2010) OFFICIAL TRAILER