Monday, 17 November 2014

A Crime We Commit Against Ourselves

Beliefs can be very detrimental.
Even to the point of harm.

Why do I say that? Because we do harm to ourselves through a belief that we held but now know to be wrong. First:

I always get asked what I believe in. My answer is always the same: Nothing.
I used to have beliefs. Wow, did I have beliefs!

I believed that things would turn out ok. I believed that I would get the job I wanted. I believed that the company I worked for would always be there. I believed the new marketing plans we worked out would be fantastically successful. I believed the new salespeople I employed and trained would go on to greater things in the company. I believed that customers loved our cable TV product and packages…the list was endless.

And when, surprisingly, some of those things didn’t happen, and things went wrong, and the outcome was not what I believed it would be, guess what?

I had a belief about that too!

I believed there was a reason that things didn’t happen and why things went wrong and I believed in that. It made me construct a whole new set of beliefs.

At a point in 2009, my transformational experience, which I have outlined before, made me stop and realise. I knew NOTHING. N-O-T-H-I-N-G-! And then I realised, I knew EVERYTHING I needed to know and I would ACCEPT new teachings and understandings ONLY when I had investigated and looked at them with a critical eye. No more blind acceptance just because someone who is successful, or has a lot of fame or money, or has a book or has been on TV tells me so. I question new intelligence. If it seems unreal, or I cannot experience it, I don’t accept it until I can experience it. I do not believe in things.

Beliefs have a tendency to mess us up. We get so comfortable in a belief that we accept it as fact and stay with the belief rather than seek out the reality or the experience.

It is a stark reality when one considers this: Nothing in the world that is real requires a belief! Think of something in this world that is real and I guarantee you don’t need to believe in it to make it real.

A belief is not reality. It is a perception of a reality, not an actuality of a reality.

I have had people say to me, ‘You do believe me don’t you?’ and I have replied, ‘No. But I accept that you believe what you are saying, so I accept it.’ Big distinction. When it becomes a reality, when it happens, THEN I will have the reality, the experience and I won’t have to believe.

How many times have you believed something?

Here is the sad truth of how debilitating and destructive beliefs can be….

Some people believe that being married will be wonderful, loving, inclusive, happy, even forever.

Some people believe that being rich or successful will be fantastic, fun, give them security, happiness and freedom.

Some people believe that the new job will be the one that will set them up on a new career path, that it will give them all the prestige and money they need, that they will really excel at the role.

Some people think that going to a particular place for a vacation will be life changing, awe inspiring, fun, exciting, wonderful and unforgettable.

Some people believe that the movie or the show they are going to see will be unbelievable, emotional, scary, funny, intriguing and the best thing they have seen for ages.

The fact is…

Some people spend more time, energy, effort and money on planning a wedding than on a marriage. They focus on the day, not the life together.

Some people spend so much time dreaming about what it is like to be successful and rich but never plan on what to do when they are.

Some people spend a lot of time, effort, and training to get the job rather than KEEP the job. They were great at the interview, but doing the job? No.

Some people put so much time, effort and planning into arranging a two week holiday but have no idea of what will happen in the remaining 50 weeks of the year.

Some people make a movie in their mind about how great a cd, a show or a movie will be. They believe it, they think it will be wonderful but then, when they listen or see it, it doesn’t match their expectations.

When one of those situations happen, when the reality of the situation is different from what our belief of it was, our belief has been so strong and believable and we have engaged with it for so long it makes us commit a crime against ourselves which, if we continue and repeat it, will destroy us.

Because reality was nothing like, or just different from, the belief we have carried around for so long,

The crime we commit on ourselves is this: we start to believe that we did something wrong.

We think that the reason the reality was nothing like our belief was something to do with us. It was our fault. We just didn't 'get it'.  We are lacking in something.

No it isn’t. It is the fault of the belief that we held so true, so right, so great, so close.

Reality is just that: Real. It is EXPERIENCE. Our beliefs are nothing at all to do with reality. Reality will always beat our beliefs. In fact: Reality doesn’t give a damn about our beliefs. Beliefs are just ideas and opinions with no basis in experience. Only when we separate what we believe from what we experience will we begin to run our lives, but not before.

Monday, 10 November 2014

A Tale of Two Filing Cabinets

Transformation is a different thing entirely from change.  It doesn't take the past and change it, add to
it or re-organise it.  It creates a new context.  Possibilities that didn't exist now come into being.  The future is built on possibility.  The future is constant.

If we carry our past with us into the future, we are limiting the amount of space we have in our future because it is taken up with the past we bring into it.  If what we have in our future is our past, our future is going to be consistent with what we had in our past.

If we can take the past OUT of our future, we create an empty space which we can fill with all manner of possibilities and opportunities that are not governed or linked to any past activity. If you do not empty out your past from your future right now then all you are doing is changing your past.

Let's take a look at childhood experiences that have been traumatic.  It can be one experience that was big enough to be traumatic, or a series of experiences.

An example would be: If you have been bullied at school, it's probably not the one time but more likely a period of bullying over time.  That begins to shape who you are, and who you need to be, to become, to survive.  You can't do much at the time about that but you have to do something to defend yourself.  And that leads you into continuing to be that person who has built up defence mechanisms to deal with bullying but at some point you have to find a way to take that past OUT of your future and put it back IN the past.

We all have excess baggage.  We carry it around in our heads.  It's there even when we don't see it.
We are concerned about excess baggage when we go on vacation.  We don't want it then, so we weigh our bags to make sure we are below the requirement.  Trouble is, we carry it around at all other times.

At any given moment of any given day, we reference the excess baggage for information.  Even worse than that, we carry it into our future.  We expect to be able to function and plan and build strategies for a brighter future when we carry our past around with us.

I am not talking about forgetting your past, or where you come from, or your history, or the people in it...

I am talking about today being the day when you stop paying for your bags of excess baggage, and go forward with your hands open to grasp the opportunities that will come your way. You CANNOT grab opportunity if your hands are full!!

We human beings don't leave the past in the past.  We have the past in the future. When you do that it appears as if the past gives you who you are, and who you are in the present.

Lets imagine the past and the future as two filing cabinets.

If you take the past out of the filing cabinet marked FUTURE, and put it in the filing cabinet marked PAST, what have you got in the FUTURE?  NOTHING!  Which is wonderful. Fantastic!!!!


Because if, WHO I AM in the present, is determined by the future into which I am living, I can CREATE a future for myself that gives me, in the present, a life of being, joy, happiness, accomplishment...a life worth living.