Sunday, 10 October 2010

Thank God the TV has an off button...

I used to love TV but having seen TV's obsession with getting the public involved in entertaining itself and the lack of ideas for new programs I started turning off and have not looked back.  I saw the XFactor and Strictly Come Dancing last night.  After that I seriously contemplated eating my own head.  But during this last week I was unlucky to see Emmerdale and wondered who all the people are as I have never seen them before.  No tourists or visitors to the village, so thats self funding.  A pub that sells food.  A sweet shop that sells food and a food shop.  The only other business is a garage which comes in handy if you need new springs on your car after eating your way through the village and a church for the funeral if you dont make it to the car before your cholestorol levels shoot up and blows your hat off.

I dont recognise Eastenders as it is turning into a kids program, like some morbid version of 'The Double Deckers' and doesnt in any way resemble the East End of London I was born and grew up in.  These characters plead poverty but live in a £500,000 house.  Does no one own a washing machine in a soap?  No one lives outside the square.  No one works outside the square.  If one of the characters decides to 'go up west' (in itself, a term I have never heard used in the east end) a black cab will materialise like the Tardis and whisk them away.
 
Coronation Street if populated with people wearing designer clothes and no visible sign of an income that can sustain that level of buying. I am sure they have played musical houses at some point as a couple of the families seem to have been swapping homes.  The Rovers is the most out dated pub in England and the landlady Liz looks like a cross between Lily Savage and Owen Wilson in drag...I am sure its the pout or just the shape of her mouth but she and Owen have the same affliction, like they are sucking an invisible straw.
Emmerdale had a Death.  Eastenders has Phil who has made the fastest recovery from Crack Cocaine and Heroin in history and Coronation Street is like a depressing version of the Sims.
If theres a lesbian, a murder, a car crash or any death in one soap, switch over to one of the others as there will be another one along in a minute.  One Christmas someone fell out of a window and died in Eastenders at the same time as someone else was THROWN out of a window at his wedding reception in Emmerdale.  Nobody went upstairs in Coronation Street.

If this week has been anything to go by they should give a box a razorblades away free with the Radio Times.

I suppose there is a reason for the sameness of the soaps...the viewers are the same.  Box of chocolates, bottle of wine and four solid hours of regurgitated tripe.  Now I know why I hate TV.
Post a Comment